You’ve heard the saying, there’s one in every family. The one family member a little NQR or “left of centre” you avoid as much as possible. What if that “one” is actually you and you haven’t noticed? How awkward. It couldn’t be true, could it? You’re lovable, right? RIGHT?! *crickets* Hate to be the bubble burster of the day but here are 10 signs you might not want to nod along with #sorrynotsorry :
1.) Every family picture you post on social media gets untagged by almost every extended family member you originally tagged. Apparently artsy shots where most people are mid blink or yelling at each other isn’t the “in” thing any more. Yet your cousin’s selfie of the outfit they were wearing that day gets 100 likes in 5 minutes. Go figure.
2.) No one from your family contacts you to see how you are going. Ever. Even if you are M.I.A. on social media for a month. The only people who notice are the random strangers who follow your pet’s Instagram account. Miss posting a pic for one day and they’re 3 unanswered messages away from calling emergency services to check on you. See fam bam? That’s called emotional support… a little clingy and creepy but supportive nevertheless.
3.) The cousins you grew up with are constantly posting pictures of day trips together with the caption “family time”. You are never included. When you bring it up at family gatherings that you guys should go somewhere or do something together they are all smiles and enthusiasm…. then nothing. You follow them up with a casual message every three weeks but they always rain check or “forget to reply”. In retaliation you post selfies of yourself out and about at cafés and beaches with the biggest tourist grin on your face and the snazziest pair of sunnies you can afford. Because you’re cool and they need to know this.
4.) It’s taken you 10 years of persistence but you’ve graduated from only making small talk with your family at Christmas and birthdays to having a deeper conversation with at least one person every second or third catch up. You had to corner them in the kitchen in order for them to talk to you but you still consider this progress.
5.) You’ve given up throwing birthday parties with your family. They rarely show up and don’t seem to appreciate or mix well with your friends. No matter how many “ice breaker” drinking games or rounds of charades you force them to participate in. Who doesn’t like charades? You start to wonder if you were adopted.
6.) You refuse to go anywhere without a GPS. The last time your uncle said “it’ll be fine, just follow behind us” you got ditched trying to keep up with his 30 lane changes and 5 last minute turn signals. Ironically not one of your twenty family members answered your countless missed calls for help with directions. When you finally show up three hours late all you get is “Jeez, took you long enough. What’d you do? Stop to dig for petrol?” Thanks, Aunty Mae and Uncle Bob, I’m fine, I haven’t crashed or anything.
7.) You’ve always been rather proud at how nice your family is and how well you get along. You always tell people: “I love my family. We’re a crazy bunch. It’s great.” It’s only just dawned on you that well meaning politeness and genuine love are two completely different things.
8.) You know everything that’s happening in all your friends lives from what deodorant they use to what food their pets like, but you wouldn’t have a clue what any of your family are going through at the moment. You can’t decide if you are disturbed and upset by this or genuinely don’t really care.
9.) Every time you go to dance with your aunties and uncles and bust out your best moves you clear the dance floor. It takes you three songs and two sets of jazz hands and high kicks for you to realise everyone has ditched you.
10.) Every recent photo you have with your family (not counting photo bombs, which you are getting rather skilled at by the way) are photos you’ve had to ask for. “Can I take a photo of us?” and “photo time!” are your new catch phrases.